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The Creepy Ones
What’s scarier than cancer? This clown in particular.
I would rather be stuck in the woods with a bear. 🐻
Somehow this became 1000 times worse.
I knew this creep was a serial killer! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE LADY!!1
This guy screams “I’ve got a chopped-up dead body in my refrigerator”
The “Defeating the Patriarchy” Ones
Is this an ad or an accusation?
Also what the heck does that subtitle word-salad mean? That’s spelled SALAD.
The Animal Abuse Ones
Does this ad imply that an elephant is addicted to nicotine? You are the judge!
The Christmas Ones
The Couple Ones
Fan fact: This is how many wildfires started during the 70s!
For a moment I thought the lady was cradling a baby. But who would ever smoke so close to a baby?
Alive with pleasure…for the time being.
Ever been in the house of a couple who smoke? Mmm, breathe it in👃
The Mysterious-Macho-Lonely Man Ones
The I-Am-A-Special-Snowflake Subcategory
The Cowboy Obsession Subcategory
Over the span of 5 years Marlboro published 76 different advertisements covering 92 pages, all featuring one or more cowboys. But why was Marlboro so fixated with cowboys? Did they have a trademark on them, or something? I couldn’t find a single ad from another cigarette brand using a cowboy model, all while Marlboro used only cowboys and to a much lesser extent just horses.
The Racer Subcategory
Viceroy was on the hunt for their Cowboy-moment but it didn’t really catch on.
What’s Up With the Horses?
Obviously in the horses category we have a huge overlap with the Cowboy Obsession one. Out of the 77 pages featuring horses, the 74 are from Marlboro.
The Obsessed With the Filter Ones
People in the 70s were well aware of the dangers of smoking, so cigarette companies continued touting their “healthy filters”, even though they were completely useless. 2
‘Might be a pretty good move‘…and they are moving furniture…get it? 🫠
Fun fact about the Micronite filter; it contained asbestos fibers3. You can’t make this shit up!
The Low-Tar/Nicotine Subcategory
Because every brand in the 70s had the lowest tar and nicotine content than 99% of all other cigarettes sold.
The Too-Long-Didn’t-Read Ones
Vantage started releasing this wall of text ads in 1972, presumably trying to persuade smokers that they are not addicted but they choose to smoke because they want to. I picked the following lines as my personal favourites: “Anyone who’s old enough to smoke is old enough to make up his own mind” and “I started smoking because I wanted to. I smoke now because I want to. And I intend to keep on smoking as long as I want to”.
If you read through some of them wearing the glasses of hindsight you’ll understand why there’s a special place in hell for these advertisers.
The Cartoon Ones
Just so you know, Parliament is an American cigarette brand, drawing cartoons of British characters, to praise the “American ingenuity” -truly a full circle of self-congratulation!
Parliament was not the only brand that employed cartoons to sell cigarettes. Benson & Hedges cartoon ads are reminiscent of some of the first Red Bull commercials, while Doral used literal comic strips each ending with the cigarettes having a perverse wish to be tasted.
The Waterfall Ones
What Marlboro had with cowboys, KOOL had with rivers and waterfalls. Because when I think of “serene”, I think of air full of smoke. Take a look below!
The Rainbow Subcategory
The Complete Nonsensical Ones
Benson & Hedges cigarette ads were so nonsensical that even the cigarettes featured inside were crooked for some inexplicable reason. We’ve already seen the freaky clown.
Look! Cancer!
What the fuck is happening in this ad? Is the alien going to grope this astronaut?
All in all, over this 5 year period, 29 different cigarettes brands were advertised. I hadn’t heard of most of them, so I assumed that these brands just failed over time. Apparently this is not the case, with 22 of these still in circulation. Also just 2 companies, own 15 out of these 29 brands.
- Philip Morris and its parent company Altria, currently owns Virginia Slims, Parliament, Lark, Benson & Hedges, Marlboro, Multifilter, and L&M (Liggett & Myers).
- RJ Reynolds Tobacco Company owns Camel, Tareyton, True, Doral, Vantage, Kent, Newport, and Old Gold.
- Imperial Brands (formerly known as Imperial Tobacco Company) owns Winston, KOOL, Salem and Carlton4.
- British American Tobacco owns Pall Mall and Viceroy
- Maryland is owned by Landewyck Tobacco.
- I could find very little information about Iceberg, but it seems like the brand was owned by American Tobacco Company. The same applies to King Sano, and Lucky Ten.
- Silva, Belair and Raleigh were owned by Brown & Williamson Tobacco but they are no longer in circulation.
- Adam was owned by Liggett and Myers Tobacco Company and little is known about its fate.
All of them in chronological order
Bonus
Dad smoking a cigar straight into his newborn’s face -ah, these were truly simpler times!
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