For obvious reasons, this type of self-sacrificing spectacle was offensive to the journalists who initially promoted the profile on this curious specimen in the language of PT Barnum. Brian’s 15 minutes could have ended there, but he proved to be such an honest, quirky, and sometimes likable person in the press that parts of the Internet welcomed him as a new entry in the category of “weird people you should know about.”
Mercifully, it looks like fame has actually brought some semblance of normalcy to Brian’s life. Former gawkers now somehow find themselves in the role of well-wishers as a 48-year-old man talks about taking drugs and making love to his new girlfriend, who seems to be a genuinely positive presence in his life.
Don’t keep your child’s raw drawing in the fridge because it is a masterwork. You do this because their inability to produce artistry lends an innocence and purity to the endeavor of painted representation. And also because you care about them and watch them grow in real time.
That being said, Brian just tweeted a list of the 41 most important things he learned while tilting at the windmills of the Death Challenge.
“This is it. Everything I’ve learned from spending millions on longevity,” he begins, before launching into a list full of non-surprises.
Entries generally agree on pieces of good advice: get enough sleep, eat healthy, avoid social media, etc. The only real “this moment” standout is his suggestion that “if obese, check out GLP.”
There is no whisper of vital-state monitoring or plasma injections. No vegetable solution for sustenance. There’s no need to keep track of your poop “report card.” The Netflix star who made headlines a few years ago has apparently turned into the Silicon Valley version of “The Dude.”
While I’m sure we’ll hear many more reports of Brian’s longevity-maximizing tricks in the years to come, this anodyne list reads as the end of the hero’s journey after that bygone era of self-torture. Does this tweet mean that the founder of Project Blueprint has crossed the longevity rule, which once cost him more than $2 million a year (and is now selling online)? I’d like to hope that at least some of those gimmicky expenses are reallocated to better purposes. And let’s hope those hallucinatory experiences have taught him the value of giving up control.
Of course, death comes to all of us. It remains to be seen whether Brian Johnson will be remembered as the man who defeated the Grim Reaper. At the very least, we all got to hear the heartwarming story of a mixed ex-Mormon with the most famous name ever making his way in the world, finding his way to a happy, transcendent existence through sheer grit, fearless weirdness, and lots of money.
Here’s Johnson’s full list of health tips in case he catches the disease again and gets through it:
0. Sleep is the most powerful medicine in the world.
1. Stay in your bed for 8 hours
2. Same time to sleep every night, any time before midnight
3. Don’t eat right before sleeping
4. Quiet food for dinner
5. No screens 1 hour before bed
6. Avoid added sugar (keep in mind it’s in everything)
7. Avoid everything from American convenience stores
8. Avoid fried food
9. Taking off shoes at the door
10. Eat whole foods, especially vegetables, fruits, nuts, legumes, berries
11. Take a short walk after meals or do air squats
12. Keep your heart rate high regularly
13. Lifting heavy objects
14. Stretch daily
15. Water pick, floss, brush, tongue scraper, morning and night.
16. Try drinking water
17. Get sunlight when you wake up (UV is low)
18. Protect skin from afternoon sun
19. Stand up straight
20. Meet with at least one friend a week
21. Avoid plastic as much as possible (in all things)
22. Circulate air in rooms
23. Breathe when stressed, learn to calm your body
24. Visit the dentist
25. Avoid sitting for too long
26. Protect your hearing, the world is too loud
27. Alcohol is bad for you
28. Finish your coffee before noon
29. Avoid bright light after sunset
30. If you’re fat, pay attention to GLP
31. Sleep in a cool room
32. Texting while driving is dangerous
33. Turn off all notifications
34. Limit social media use
35. Don’t smoke anything
36. If you have trouble falling asleep, read a physical book before bed
37. Adopt a calming routine 1 hour before bed: bath, reading, light walk, listening to music.
38. The body is a clock and it likes routine. Keep a daily morning and evening schedule.
39. Avoid long distance travel where possible
40. Baby takes first steps: Introduce new things slowly
41. Do less…most things don’t work.
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