I was in New York City for work last week. Before leaving Los Angeles, my boss asked if I was “abnormally tall” or “abnormally short”? His question was strange, but not unreasonable. Although we worked together for eighteen months, we never met IRL, as the kids say. “I always find it a little nerve-wracking to meet someone face-to-face when you’ve been with them on Zoom for so long,” she explained. I knew what he meant. To the best of my knowledge, scientists have not studied the disorienting feeling that arises when digital expectations meet physical realities, but if/when they do, I think they should call it floating head phenomenon,
Before my trip, I knew my coworkers didn’t seem to be swimming on Zoom, and I assumed they knew I wasn’t swimming either. Floating heads are rare, unless you’re dealing with ghosts. But remote workers and their colleagues need to trust that the people they see on Zoom aren’t floating heads. sure, you can Ask them to stand up and show you their legs, but HR frowns upon this kind of thing. So the best way to deal with this question is to ignore it. That’s what I did until last week.
As it turned out, not every floating head I knew was a floating head at all. All had torsos, legs and feet. They were also three-dimensional people, not two-dimensional avatars. Some people were shorter than I expected, most were taller than I expected. None of them had mute buttons, and the space behind them was never blurry. Additionally, they spoke in complete sentences, never relying on emojis to communicate.
floating head phenomenon It’s unique to the digital age, but its roots go back much further. Thousands of years ago, people who were not in the same physical location relied on verbal conversation to get to know each other. Perhaps those who first heard about Jesus from one of his twelve apostles were surprised to learn that when they actually met him he was not a blue-eyed white man. Eventually, letters supplemented oral conversation, allowing people in different physical locations to do business, fall in love, and even plot events that changed the course of history. For example, several members of the Continental Congress may have commented that George Washington appeared taller in his letters than he actually was. And then the telephone came, which made it possible to talk – Really talk! — from people you’ve never met face to face. But getting to know someone through their distinct voice creates two versions of the same person in your mind. There was the person you imagined him to be, and that person was actually him. Often, those two versions proved incompatible, as shown in Aerosmith’s video sweet feeling,
I think what’s different in the digital age is that we complain a lot more. It was exciting to receive the letter! And even though the letter contained bad news, no one blamed the medium or the post office. The same for the telegraph and telephone, which were considered modern miracles. Prank calls and wrong numbers come with the territory, but I’ve never heard anyone blame AT&T. Plus, I love the prank calls that were ruined because of caller ID and wrong numbers, which didn’t happen in the era of robo calls and scammers.
But Internet technologies get a lot of shit. Perhaps some of the blame is that the technological optimism of the nineties and early aughts did not turn out to be as advertised. And perhaps technology is to blame because the hyper-connected world makes communication frictionless to such an extent that we take communication for granted and behave like entitled idiots. Furthermore, technology creates a real feudal feeling, so perhaps the reaction is not about the tools that Silicon Valley makes, but about the tools that own Silicon Valley and want to own the world and everyone in it. However, my personal belief is that since planes, trains, and automobiles make it possible for any person on Earth to meet any other person on Earth, IRL, the Internet has always felt like a poor substitute. In other words, floating heads are good, but they will never be as good as heads that are attached to the body.
I probably knew this before my trip, but facing a government shutdown, cramming myself into a flying metal tube and dragging my ass three thousand miles from home was a good reminder that there’s always something missing online. This is mindless nonsense, because digital closes the geographical distance between people, but at the same time it opens up an infinite space between our perceptions and reality. As an anxious person I fill that space with self-doubt and corrosive beliefs. As an anxious society, we fill that space with fear, hatred, and anger.
Meeting my coworkers face-to-face filled many of the gaps for me in the best possible way. There’s a big difference between someone posting a fire emoji in reference to a piece you wrote and that same person shaking your hand, smiling, and saying, “Your writing is on fire, Michael.” Emoji are nice, but they feel too simple, too small, and too disposable. On the other hand, face-to-face conversations come with standard cues and context that give a single compliment much more meaning. Furthermore, the degree of difficulty is much higher in the physical world, which is why it is so much more rewarding.
Still, I don’t think it’s a competition between digital and physical. At least, it shouldn’t be a competition. I want to be grateful for both, because I believe the more ways we can come together, the better. But there is a contradiction. Because as we make connection easier and easier, we have to work harder to actually communicate.
For some people, Lyft and Uber are transportation. For me, they are inspiration. Ride/Share: Micro-stories of soul, wit and wisdom from the backseat This is a collection of my favorite Lyft and Uber driver stories.
Most people who have read not safe for work love it. The problem is that most people haven’t read not safe for work – As yet. My advice: Take this opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a phenomenal story that will blow your mind (and put them back).
it’s an ebook Only 99 centsSo you can’t go too far wrong. just sayin’.
Not safe for work but available Amazon And All other book locations,
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Why are people usually taller or shorter than you expect when you meet IRL? go deeper,
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If we’ve never met, how tall do you think I am? only wrong answer,
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I also got a chance to meet two writer friends for the first time IRL in New York:
And How wonderful is it when you finally meet someone you only know online? Tell your story!
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Do you give a fuck about internet technologies? explain,
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Do you write letters, or call friends suddenly? share your secret,