Last week was my birthday and I turned 41 (19th November).
When I was younger, I could never really imagine what life would be like in my 40s. It’s an ambiguous age where you don’t have any clear image of how you should live, right? Even if I try to look back at my father at this age, he was always at work during the day, so there is no point of reference.
I make a living as an indie developer, and thanks to everything I created during my 20s and 30s, I can live the way I live now. Compared to a typical Japanese salaryman, I can be more flexibly involved in child care, and I get to spend a lot of time with my child. I have also made some “mom friends (mom-tomo)” in kindergarten.
In this post, I would like to share my survival strategy for the 40s. As stated in the title, the conclusion is: “Attraction” – To be warm and friendly.
Let me explain why I think this kind of attraction matters so much to middle-aged men.
TL;DR
- “You’ve got appearance” simply means “you look older now.”
- Smile. An angry middle aged man is absolutely terrifying
- To be polite. The more achievements you collect, the more people will follow you
- Use the charm of contrast
“You’ve got appearance” simply means “you look older now.”
For students, people above 40 years of age are completely old. At least that’s how I saw them. This is basically the era of school teachers.
As I approached 30, people around me started saying things like:
“You’ve got cancer Now.”
in japanese, cancer It means something like “gravity” or “presence”.
And no, he didn’t mean that my belly was growing.
At first, I secretly thought:
“Finally, my life experience is beginning to radiate like an aura!”
…but over time I realized that it wasn’t at all. It simply meant: I grew old.
In other words, “You have aged,” “You look older now,” wrapped in the most positive terms possible.
I mean, think about it. What exactly is “aura”? laugh out loud
If I’ve really gained so much life experience, why do I still get scolded by kindergarten teachers for being late to take the bus? I don’t feel like I’m walking around radiating some intelligent, dignified aura.
Smile. An angry middle aged man is absolutely terrifying
Having gravitas doesn’t really help you that much. If there’s a middle-aged man walking around with furrowed brows, hunched shoulders, a dark cloud hanging over him, you just want to keep your distance, right?
If you wrap yourself in charm instead, you can cancel out half of that gross “old man appearance.”
I used to work part-time in a café. When I asked the manager why he decided to hire me, he said:
“Because you had a nice smile.”
Even on YouTube, I try to bring smiles in my videos. Smiling is a major component of attraction.
To cancel out this overwhelming “appearance”, I want to be even more intentional about smiling and being approachable in my daily life.
To be polite. The more achievements you collect, the more people will follow you
If you keep doing something for a long time, your accomplishments naturally stack up. And if you’re lucky, some of them become works that many people praise you for.
But then one day you realize: Friends who used to argue with you openly and push back forcefully have suddenly started distancing themselves.
Indie devs are already pretty lonely. But the more “achievements” you collect, the more your potential conversation partners quietly disappear.
I read somewhere that Hirohiko Araki is a manga artist jojo’s bizarre adventureOnce said that he has become so successful and respected that people are now afraid of him, and no one advises him.
This is understandable. If you imagine giving feedback to a famous writer or great director, it sounds scary, doesn’t it?
This is why Araki-sensei apparently gets really happy when someone ignores that aura, doesn’t hold back, and just casually says what they think.
From what I’ve seen of him on TV etc, he seems full of charm. He smiles, teaches children and appears to be very gentle and kind. He is a great example. If someone like him still rises to a high position and loses people to push ideas, then it is not at all appropriate for me to act so high and mighty.
Use the charm of contrast
The more serious and stern a person looks, the more powerful his smile becomes. That contrast is what makes it a hit. In Japanese, we even have a word for this: gap mo(サップ萌え) – Attraction that comes from unexpected contrasts in one’s personality or appearance.
Take guitarist Eddie Van Halen, for example:
When I imagine an amazing guitarist, I imagine someone completely lost in his own world and making serious faces while playing.
But Eddie often turns to the crowd and smiles, clearly trying to entertain and enjoy himself. with Them. That attitude is incredibly likable.
Programmers are a good example of a job that is difficult for people to imagine. When mom’s friends ask what I do and I say:
“I’m a programmer.”
I often get:
“Ah, I don’t really know much about computers…”
It’s not that they’re rejecting it; They can’t imagine what I really do, so they don’t know how to respond. The fewer shared reference points you have with someone, the more important it is to approach them with a soft, easy-going attitude. You don’t need to explain everything in detail. If they can at least get the feeling that “he’s enjoying his work and looks like he’s having fun,” that’s more than enough.
So that’s what I want to value in my 40s.
Lately, I feel like younger people respect me more than before. That’s why it’s time No Be on your best behavior, but live politely and gently instead. I want to continue learning from and being inspired by the younger generation. I want to be exposed to new values and cultures all the time. To do this, I must break the “gravity” barrier itself. And I think attraction is necessary for this.
If you’re around my age, what to do? You Do you want to know the value in your life?
I would love to hear.
Here’s to a good 40 for all of us!
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