(This is the first of a two-part series. The second part can be found here.)
I used to drink more caffeine than you.
Notice the bared teeth, happy eyes, and paws wrapped protectively around that vulnerable cup.
This is almost certainly true. From my college days (1985ff) to late 2011, my caffeine consumption was excessive.
epic. Others talk about the number of cups of coffee they drink per day; They are pickers. For me, the number was UtensilSeriously two, three or four pots between waking up and falling asleep, From first thing in the morning to drinking it several times after dinner, black bean concoction was a constant companion to my brain,
Ah, shock.
Along with coffee, soda was my parallel caffeine delivery system. I still remember the glory days of Jolt Cola (more sugar, and twice the caffeine!), two-liters of which saw me through my sophomore and junior years. Coke was too basic for me, but it was possible when nothing else was available. Mello Yello was ok, but hard to get. Although its name was brilliant: lots of caffeine, so nothing too sweet; Green, not yellow.
Mountain Dew was my drink of choice, sweet and highly caffeinated. One year my family and I bought enough cans of Mountain Dew to make a six-foot-tall stack. It almost replaced water for us. I was eating a can at breakfast, bottles during the day, cups in the evening as well as a last can in bed to rest.
Gunpowder tea, preferably.
Other caffeine systems also met my needs. Chocolate, especially chocolate covered espresso beans, helped. When I was among the Britons, or just wanted flavour, sometimes black tea was enough. Hot chocolate was fine in winter. But Turkish coffee, ah, that was the excellent caffeine delivery system. I fell in love with the powerful things in Bosnia during the war in the 1990s and kept looking for them even after that. I met an academic in Mostar whose house was hit by a shell or missile. In its ruins, over a half-broken gas stove, the professor and his wife made Turkish coffee every day. I recognized my companions, members of the worldwide society of caffeine devotees. That concentrated bolt of coffee was like neutronium, or anti-kryptonite to Superman, an extremely heavy distillate for my happy brain.
Ur-coffee.
I might also add caffeination systems. During a long drive I’ll have Mountain Dew and a large cup of coffee. After a few hours I would stop to refill those sources, buy some Water Joe, then add a few doses of the stoke to the steaming coffee. (At home my wife forbade me to make coffee with Water Joe, lest my chest burst)
A chemist friend once gave me a small container of pure caffeine. She warned me not to ignore the white power outright, so I started fingering her.
He was enthusiastic.
Too Much Coffee Man, my ideal superhero.
Why did I drink so much caffeine? It was not just a chemical or behavioral addiction. My habit started in college as a way to provide enough energy for both my studies and my job.
I took a heavy course load (double or triple majoring) while working. That workload never ended after graduation. While working at a book shop, I completed my MA in a single year. For my PhD I was teaching almost full time. As a professor I taught four (4) classes per semester, did research, did a lot of service (committees, technology, advising, etc.), as well as consulting. I also got married and we had two children. For such long days (and nights), caffeine was essential.
After a while caffeine no longer provides stimulation. Instead it became a way to recover some basic energy levels from the pit of exhaustion. As far as I can tell, a stronger dose stopped making me jumpy and manic, but left me powerful enough to get things done during a very long, but well-energized day. I believe this is another way of saying “maintenance level”.
I would continue on this glorious, bean-filled path until my body failed, and it almost did. During 2010 and 2011 I suffered from frequent stomach pains. It wasn’t indigestion, but intense tremors, enough to wake me up at night or throw me off track during the day. The pain increased in frequency, duration, and intensity, eventually occurring several times a day and causing regular nausea. In addition to being painful and disgusting, these attacks were debilitating. I started chewing antacids several times a day. Ultimately I decided to seek medical advice. Well, “I decided” really means “I surrendered to my wife’s patient, well-informed concern”.
On December 22, 2011, we reached the family clinic for most of the medical questions. I explained my symptoms to the doctor, who looked concerned. He asked me to describe my caffeine intake, and the expression on his face was quite amusing. They demonstrated disbelief, disappointment, outrage, amusement, followed by determination. When I finished, the doctor set it aside for me.
“Either I’ll admit you to the hospital tomorrow, or you’ll pass out on caffeine. Immediately.”
(Continuing from Part 2)
(Photos by Cogdog, 7 Bits of Truth, Akuppa, Nate Steiner, Wikipedia)
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