There are two proverbs that describe similar behavior but have polar opposite results and ultimately very different morals:
The nail that sticks gets the hammer
versus
The squeaky wheel gets the grease
Both describe an object that would be one of a group in a larger structure, that is defective in some way. But in the one, the out-of-step object is pushed into submission, while in the other its needs are met and it begins to function properly. they are not alike at all[^1]But I find the relationship between them fascinating. As someone who often feels like I don’t always fit in, and as someone who has a lot of trouble asking for what I need, I feel like there’s a lot to be learned from examining these two metaphors and thinking about situations with this lens.
A nail is not as important as a wheel
There is often an order of magnitude between the number of nails versus the number of wheels on something like a bookcase. If one of the wheels stops working properly, it will become difficult to move the bookcase. If one of the nails is bent out of shape, it can be more easily removed or replaced.
In situations where something is not right, it is worth asking the question whether the issue is really worth raising, or whether it is just raising the issue to try to look smart or be technically correct without much practicality. And it is important to understand one’s position and importance when raising an issue – if you are one in a hundred, addressing your issue will not be as important as if you were one in ten.
Clearly asks with proportionate alarm, versus disproportionately raising alarm with no explanation
The wheel has an obvious question and addresses the issue without much burden (squealing is annoying but not dangerous), while a nail sticking out is more dangerous and the most obvious solution to the symptom is to hammer it back into place.
In raising an issue, it is important to communicate urgency appropriately – you cannot over- or under-represent the seriousness of an issue. And when it comes to raising a problem, it should be clearly asked what to do about the problem.
Some problems may only have symptoms such as the nail moving out of place until it is completely destroyed.
There’s a lot to think about even in nail advocacy! Like, why is the nail sticking out? Maybe too much weight has been placed on the bookcase?
Sometimes there are serious problems that need to be lifted, and there is no obvious way to solve it without a hammer, and you have to lift it up somehow and become the nail. You will almost certainly have to nail it in place or remove/replace, but if enough nails start coming out, people will start taking a closer look at the structural integrity.
Know when to raise a problem, come up with a solution, and be firm when the problem becomes serious.
I like to think of myself as someone who can identify problems ahead of time, and raise them by asking the right questions. I would love to be better at knowing what and when to ask for things, and being firm when I know the problem is serious.
[^1] I’m definitely stretching the nail analogy. It’s more about social conformity than raising an issue. But in some ways I think standing out from the crowd is often a way of communicating what you think should be different while living it.